This month, we are in a sermon series called “Dangerous Emotions.” At what point do emotions go from being normal to unhealthy or even dangerous? I recently read a post by Dr. Arthur Brooks who said that the happiest people in life do not necessarily have the easiest lives or the most impressive accomplishments. He says that they have FOUR things in common: 1) They take their faith seriously, 2) They invest in their family relationships, 3) They cultivate real, authentic friendships, 4) They find meaningful work that creates value and serves others. I would add a fifth to this list. The happiest people in life have learned how to manage their emotions in a healthy manner.
Over the years, I have tried to make the case that the teachings of Jesus are directly tied to our emotional well-being. We cannot be a healthy Christian, a faithful disciple, and not manage our emotions well. Yet, the world is full of people who are unable to manage their own emotions. When studying Jesus’ life and teachings, it is also worth noting that so many of Jesus' teachings and questions are directly tied to what Harvard psychologist Daniel Goleman calls “emotional intelligence,” which has five core components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. How does Jesus address each of these areas?
Self-awareness – Jesus asks, “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye but fail to recognize the log in your own eye? First, take the log out of your own eye and then you can see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.” In our culture, everybody seems to point out what’s wrong with everybody else rather than doing self-improvement. Every time we point one finger at another person, we have three fingers pointing back to the primary source of most of our problems.
Self-regulation – Jesus asks, “Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?” Worry is essentially useless, but we worry all the time about many things that may or may not ever happen. Worrying about the future is a sure way to ruin the present moment. Too many people are paralyzed by fear and anxiety.
Motivation – Jesus says, “You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden.” People of faith are called to shine light in the darkness and provide healing for the broken-hearted. Many still live from day to day without motivation or a purpose.
Empathy – Jesus says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” He also says, “I was hungry and you gave me food; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me; I was naked and you gave me clothing; I was sick and you took care of me; I was in prison and you visited me.” Empathy always involves showing compassion for those who are hurting and suffering, which includes providing the basic necessities of life.
Social Skills – The first thing Jesus did when he started his ministry was to pick twelve people to be his inner circle, known as disciples. His first miracle in John’s gospel was turning water into wine late into a wedding celebration. Jesus knew the importance of relationships, community, and social gatherings.
Each aspect of emotional intelligence is present in the Gospels. What is remarkable about discipleship, spiritual formation, and emotional intelligence is that they can all be developed and enhanced over time. Faith and the spiritual life are an ongoing process that we never master. We must learn from the teachings and questions that Jesus raises. Live the Golden Rule and practice forgiveness on a regular basis. Jesus is primarily concerned with matters of the heart and motive. Why do we do the things that we do? What is our intention? These are the questions that really matter as we seek to grow.
Blessings,
Dr. Clay Stauffer