When parents raise their children and send them off to college, they hope and pray that the lessons and values they have taught and instilled in them from growing up will stick and be a guiding force. College means newfound freedom and some students certainly handle it better than others. College also means that students have to make their own decisions and then live with the consequences. Recently, the news has been dominated by a lawsuit filed last month by "Jane Doe" against Cornell University and other entities around an unfortunate event that happened two years ago. Newspapers and media outlets have detailed the events of how things unfolded in the late hours of a night at the Chi Phi fraternity house. I am a minister and professor, not an attorney, and this situation will play itself out legally in the coming days. For those of us raising our own kids and especially teenagers, there are many lessons to be learned here, and we should pay attention.
Here are a few:
Alcohol and drugs lead to impaired decision making which then leads to bad situations. This is why it is against the law to drink and drive. What unfolded at the Chi Phi house only got worse as the night progressed and people became more intoxicated. Mixing alcohol and drugs can be a dangerous and even deadly combination. Young people need to understand the real physiological dangers of this.
We must teach our young men to respect and honor women. For many years, women have looked out for each other in social settings to make sure friends don’t end up in compromising situations. Men of conscience should also be committed to doing this as well. This should not be the sole responsibility of women. Men must do their part.
Sex seems to have lost its value in our culture. Sex is a gift from God that is not to be used and abused. We are living in a time where sex is glorified and sexuality is flaunted. Far too often, people get used and forgotten which leads to significant hurt and emotional damage.
We should not judge all fraternities and sororities by the reckless actions of a few. Many young people who are part of Greek life and other organizations on college campuses seek to do what’s right. It’s not all “Animal House.” These organizations do a lot of good, foster friendship, and promote service. Whenever a situation like this arises and dominates the news cycle, it is easy to say “all fraternities are bad.” That is simply not true.
It always takes courage to stand up and say, “this is wrong.” People with a conscience need to be willing to step in and put an end to reckless situations. This situation at Cornell went on for far too long without somebody stepping in to say “enough.”
When kids go to college, they must pay attention to the types of friends they make. It will always hold true in life that we are deeply influenced by the people we surround ourselves with. Finding friends with the same values and priorities is very important at every stage.
We should be encouraging our young people to date and not just show up late for parties. Dating seems to be on the decline on college campuses and for people in their twenties. Yet, this is where real conversation happens and people actually get to know each other on a deeper level. There is more to life than simply trying to hook up.
Cornell University and its leadership are navigating a very difficult situation in front of the entire nation. It is not easy. They are not the first and will not be the last university to do this. College should be some of the most formative and meaningful years of a person’s life, but bad things can happen. It serves all of us well to think about what we can learn from incidents like this and then teach our young people life lessons that will serve them well in the future.